History does not repeat itself, the historians repeat one another and hence the lack of vagaries in their reportage. Add to this vexatious stew the fact that history has been kind to numerous personalities who do not deserve their place in the annals of history, is absolutely stupefying. Let me outline the most over-rated personalities in accordance with my infinite wisdom:

M. K. Gandhi: Revered as the ‘Father of the nation’ by the ignoble Indians, this semi nude beggar is credited with the Indian Independence. Jesus Christ on a Harley Davidson, Hitler should be credited more than this old ascetic for India’s freedom. If Hitler had not kept the Brits busy during WWII, Gandhi’s antics would have been futile. He is solely accountable for the partition of India. This ascetic also happens to be a documented paedophile, who let his wife die of malaria sans medical treatment but alas when he too contracted the deadly disease he had no qualms in taking modern medical treatment; he denied education to his children; one of whom finally became an alcoholic. History bestows upon him the dubious honour as the proponent of ‘ahimsa’ or non-violence. Well, an emaciated, aging man; if he shall not extol the virtues of non-violence then what shall he glorify? Moreover I believe Jesus Christ was the first advocate of ‘turning the other cheek’; in more recent times, it was Leo Tolstoy who preached about non-violence and hence Gandhi has nothing to his credit. The only saving grace to the ‘Gandhi’ legacy is the Great Indira Gandhi.

Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: Fondly referred to as Che Guevara by communist swines world wide, it is ironic that the ubiquitous communist firebrand of the the sixties is the quintessential capitalistic brand of the moment. He was a complete failure in life, he was manipulated by Fidel Castro to do his bidding. Guevara, contrary to popular beliefs was neither a military nor an economic genius. His African expedition was severely flawed which eventually resulted in his assassination. His rise to fame, the battle of Santa Clara is also disputed, dissidents within the rebellion claim of bribes being offered to the opposing Batista forces for a swift surrender. His brief stints as the President of the National Bank of Cuba and Minister of Industries was of catastrophic proportions which plunged Cuba deeper into poverty. To commemorate his achievements, I have designed a T-shirt, I hope you are turning in your grave as I wear it you communist scum.

Diana Frances Spencer: One of the most photographed personalities of the twentieth century, a high class courtesan who slept with everyone from the royal bodyguards to the horse trainer and maybe even the horse; but you have to give credit where credit is due for this haute couture hooker was definitely a looker and maybe that explains the medias fixation with chronicling her every move. But it is ironic, that the same renowned looks could not keep her husband from straying over to another woman. Her fight for the abolition of land mines is unfulfilled to this day with the major players still refusing to sign the Ottawa treaty banning the use and production of land mines. She was a certifiable basket case who has conceded to throwing herself down the stairs when pregnant with her first born. Towards the latter years of her life, she ended up being nothing more than a member of Harrods harem.

Malcolm Little: Malcolm X was the epitome of reverse racism, the man who dared to steal Martin Luther King’s thunder from the black civil rights movement. He was more pernicious to the cause than he was useful. He was spiteful and spewed hatred day in and day out. His only contribution to the civil rights movement was the division of blacks. The son of a clinically insane mother; he too was diagnosed as insane; this insanity is most evident in his speeches and in his life in general. Had he subjugated himself to Dr. Martin Luther King; the black civil movement would have been more fruititious. His division of blacks not only turned the tide on the civil rights movement but also on his life for he was assassinated not by a white supremacist but by a black man wielding a sawed off shotgun. I dedicate a song by one of my favourite bands to him, ‘die die die my darling die’ - Metallica.

Winston Churchill: Barring his oratorical prowess; Churchill was just an obese, tobacco filled racist imbecile who would have had 8 pegs of whisky by lunch time. He was viciously racist and approved of the use of chemical warfare against the so-called ’savage races’. He opined that the Palestinians and the Australian Aborigines had no recourse to a homeland for they had been subdued by ’superior forces’. History seems to have selective amnesia when it comes to the facts regarding the Battle of Gallipoli debacle under Churchill’s command wherein over 150,000 soldiers lost their lives and another 300,000 were seriously wounded. All the spoils go to the victor and hence the reason for history being extra kind to him. If and when I visit England, two things will be high on my itinerary, the foremost being, kissing the sacred Anfield football ground at Liverpool and the latter would be to desecrate this English trash’s grave.

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Billions of dollars spend and billions more earmarked to combat this disease and the aids epidemic has hitherto show signs of abating. With their increasing numbers, the aids patients have just become another minority interest group which has to be appeased by the politicians. When you have scores of thousands of HIV patients it only makes sense to cater to their whims so as to increase the vote bank.

I have no sympathy for aids patients; for it is not contagious in a manner as the common cold. The Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrome is a sexually transmitted disease. Why should I feel sorry for someone who could not excercise control over his/her hormones? Moreover why should I let the government divert part of my taxes to funding programs to help those who cannot make monogamous commitments to their spouse/partner? The crux of the matter is that if you take infidelity out of the equation then the proportionate decrease in the aids epidemic is nearly 70%. Why do I have to pay for someone else infidelity. Granted, aids is a STD but it is also transmitted through faulty blood transfusions and passed on at birth; my sympathies are with them but such cases are only minimal and predominantly it is still passed on through intercourse. So why is it that the onus is on society? It’s high time for the aids patients to step up to the plate and take responsibility for their actions rather than drowning in self pity.

If they continue to play the ‘victim’ card, society will be forced into ‘medical cleansing’, burning of all aids patients would be a good start. In the mideval ages, there was a similar killer viz. the plague and it too was uncurable, so those inflicted with it were burned. Reverting to the past to preserve the future is advisable in this context.

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It was the year 1984, Unadulterated Arrogance was then a tiny toddler of just 6 years of age. It also happened to be the first day of school. Before the end of the day I remember being pulled up by the teacher and being told to be be nice to another kid; to which I innocently replied,” why should I for he is not my friend?” Two decades later and hitherto I am yet to find a cogent answer to my question.

I am a person who is either your best friend or your worst enemy. Why is it that our society is based around a facade of lies, why do people act nice in front of each other and then squall behind their backs? Why go through all the trouble of putting up a facade, if you don’t like someone, if you are not close to someone then be out with it in the open.

I concede, what I am advocating does not hold water in the professional sphere of life. A consummate professional is one who can put up a welcoming face even to the most unruly of clients. To succeed professionally one has to be nice to one and sundry. I for one am one of the ‘nicest humans’ you will encounter in the professional walks of life. God knows how much of an effort I put into it. But your personal life is a different ball game altogether, why be nice to those people who you don’t like or care about. I for one certainly don’t and the only adverse affect of the same has been that I am labelled arrogant. But then again even if I were to be labelled nice by one and all; what would I do with their certificate of being nice? It has no monetary value, it has no sentimental value, then what does one get from taking the effort of being nice to people you don’t care about?

With acquaintances it should be just a ‘you scratch my back, I scratch your back’ policy. With close friends or people you care about, one should take the extra effort. I am very close to my friends and family. I take that extra effort of being nice that would otherwise be wasted on someone you don’t like or care about. The net result is that you tend to have everlasting relationships with 10% of the people you meet in life and the other 90% will be gunning for your life. But when alls said and done, its those people in the 10% bracket whose love and affection mean something, so I feel justified in my stance.

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Flower power is a faux pas now. With the advent of the new millennium, ‘bare all’, ‘booze all’ is passé and is deemed ‘uncool’. This is a major problem for youth worldwide as it is the birth-right of teeny-boppers to rebel against all set norms of society.

In a world dominated with booze and sleaze how does one rebel? How does one stand apart from the crowd. The 60’s witnessed total anarchy, uncontrolled usage of drugs and alcohol, this was how the youth of yore expressed their rebellious sentiments against an orthodox society with full of taboos. But circa 2005, excessive intake of alcohol or drugs will make you just another nameless face amongst a billion others. So, to be ‘different’ the current fad amongst teens is of a religious kind.

If you see a teen walking around with a bible under the arm instead of a bottle of Black Label, you can attribute this to the above mentioned phase, a phase which I have christened (pun intended) ‘Club Congregation’. Majority of the teens now put up a religious act, the hangouts have changed from pubs to churches, grunge music has been substituted with gospel music.

It’s just a phase, sooner or later, ‘club congregation’ will have reached a saturation point once all and sundry take up the bible; and to be unique the teens will resort to something drastically different. But on second thought, ‘club congregation’ is a welcome phase. No matter what the ulterior motives are, how can worshipping of God be destructive albeit if its only temporary. It is welcoming that teens of today are turning to the bible, the holy men have their work cut out for them now, its up to them to keep the teen interest sustained and carve out a few true believers from this flock of wannabe rebels. God Bless.

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The Michael Jackson saga is finally over (for the time being?) , the jury has deliberated their verdict and acquitted Michael on all 14 counts based on the prima facie evidence. I refrain from passing my judgement on the case albeit intuition says that there is no smoke without fire and frankly its been smoking for over two decades. The case revolved around one main thing viz. money.

The prominent hindrance in the successful prosecution of similar cases is not the ‘reasonable doubt of innocence’ of the accused but the ‘reasonable doubt of motives’ of the accuser. Whenever the legal system implicates a star in any criminal case, there is a huge ballyhoo associated with the trial and the accuser stands to make a lot of money. The stars themselves add oil to the fire by reaching out of court settlements.

Out of court settlements in a civil case is most welcome as justice can be administered swiftly without having to wait eons for a judgement. However out of court settlements in a criminal case should be made illegal. An out of court settlement in a criminal case implies only two things; either the accused is truly guilty or the accuser is a gold-digger out to make money. Either way there is a travesty of justice.

Out of court settlements in a criminal case is more like hush money paid to the victim to keep quiet rather than restitution. The Kobe Bryant case, Michael Jackson case; in all these cases the jury has had to first decide if the accuser is out to make money or is interested in justice. If Out of court settlements were made illegal, the accuser who comes forward would not benefit monetarily and hence there would be more substance to the claim. Moreover, with an out of court settlement the accuser on receipt of payment, signs a quitclaim and any criminal cases against the accused are barred with a retrospective effect. Thus if you rape someone and you have enough money, one can walk away scott-free and be out on the prowl for the next victim while the government pulls up a chair and watches the ensuing drama haplessly.

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I was just reading an article about how a homosexual was mistreated and subjected to extreme prejudice in one of the elite navy corps of the world. After reading the article and pondering on the said topic I have only one word of advice for the queer folk - “STRAIGHTen up or ship out”.

The armed forces are not for the queer folk, when you are in the armed forces you want your fellow soldier to back you up and not paw your back. The armed forces are about morale and cohesiveness. How can it be one cohesive unit with a lack of trust in each other? The army is all about sharing your space, its about moving as one cohesive unit. Personnel have to share rooms and even shower openly in public places and having someone who is ‘left handed’ in the midst ruins that cohesiveness which is paramount to the military doctrine.The presence of a known homosexual within the unit could hamper the morale and camaraderie on account of ostracism and tensions thereof.

One could argue that then women too should not be a part of the armed forces. Well, I couldn’t disagree more. Women are an integral part of the armed forces; moreover they don’t share the same barracks as men. Now if the queer folk were to be segregated into different barracks the pro debaters would have an iota of more substance to their stance. On second thought it is not a feasible idea for the queer folk are known to sue at the drop of a hat for discrimination, so they might not be open to segregation… but then again why not eh?… a barrack full of queer folk, an open orgy!!!! come in come in; the military beckons.

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I have always had an inherent dislike of all personnel related to the travel and tourism industry and especially so; the cabin crew. They strut around with almost as arrogance as moi. The majority of them are just either graduates or diploma holders without any other credentials to their names, the only thing going for them are their long legs which the hooker down your local alley could compete with. My prejudice was initiated as a result of an old and bitter experience I once had. A few years back I was travelling to Qatar, an elderly gentleman who I presumed never travelled by air before happened to be seated next to me. I did my best to pacify the elder statesman but there was this air hostesses who could not help being rude to him.

Rule no one is that, ‘thou shalt not disrespect the elderly’. You break this rule in my presence and you are in line for some stern reprimand. I was already bored and cranky, the air-hostess’ disrespect gave me the perfect moral cover to be myself at my very best. I started out by calling out to her loudly as a ‘waitress’ and after she obliged my request by bringing or should I say ‘fetching’ a glass of water, I proceeded to tip her with small change in open view which resulted in laughter from all quarters of the aeroplane. The adrenaline started to flow, I had gone from 0 to arrogant in under 5 seconds flat and was all pumped up but alas I could not catch her in my aisle for the rest of the flight. Since then I have always had an aversion to the cabin crew. I travel by air at the most only twice a year and hence I don’t have to come across the cabin crew’s holier than thou attitude. My pet a.k.a my little sister will be leaving back after her small vacation so I guess I am bound to run into a few of them at the airport. I really can’t comprehend why they are held in high esteem by the ignoble populace; after all they are just glorified waiters and waitresses and nothing more.

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S.U.V’s - either you love them or you hate them, there can be no liking them. This is the same case with me, people either love me or hate me. I have been an SUV afficianado since I could remember. The first one to the present one, all my wheels have been four wheel offroaders, the first one being the Mahindra MM540 and the present one being the Toyota Rav4.

A lot has been said about SUV’s and I would like to demystify the myths behind the tales of the sports utility vehicles. It is said that in case of a head on collision with a SUV the probability of fatalities in the other vehicle is quite high but then again when I am having a head on collision with another vehicle, whose life is more important? Mine or his?…. mine of course. I concede, the propensity of SUV’s to roll-over in case of accidents is comparatively higher than normal salons but with the latest innovations and anti-roll cages the adverse effects can be mitigated.

SUV’s are also accused of polluting the environment. Granted an average SUV consumes more fuel than your average salon but why are SUV’s isolated out in this regard? Why do Ferrari’s and Mclaren’s with 12 cylinders run scot free while your poor SUV’s with 6 cylinders are singled out as the causes of global warming?

Agreed, the operating costs of a SUV is also comparatively higher than their puny salon counterparts but people still buy them for its our choice, the same choice that smokers have in spending their hard earned money in killing themselves, but hey we SUV lovers just spend it on wheels and at most we will kill someone else and not ourselves.

If you were to argue with me that SUV’s are not fast, I would request you to take a look at the new Porsche Cayenne, this baby can go from 0-100 in around 5 seconds flat or the new Range Rover which is the personification of class on wheels. So all your old arguments against the purchase of a SUV are passe.

Anti SUV sites like Fuh2.com amuse me, they state that men who buy SUV’s are lacking in some part of their anatomy and my response to such morons is - “balls to you mate” (pun intended)… the reason for buying a SUV is just attitude, predominantly the belief that might is right. For me personally I really enjoy the elevated driving position and also the big cargo area for all my goodies. Now if you think I am the poster boy for the SUV’s that you would like to kill; what are you going to do about it? Run me over in your Mini-Cooper??.. I think not!!

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“You insensitive jerk!”, If you are a male aged between 1 and 299, the chances of you being told the same by someone from the opposite sex; be it your mother, wife, girl, sister or even your cleaning lady is a 100 percent. The fairer sex accuse us of insensitivity but are all males insensitive? Is it the genetic make up of us guys that is the cause of this phenomenon?… Is there a special insensitive gene in us?…. well no, its not that we are not insensitive, its just that we don’t see eye to eye with females on what constitutes sensitivity and what does not.

Laughing at the wet eyed females in the theatre when the Titanic has just sunk is not insensitive; its just natural. I mean when you see a group of women crying at the climax of a movie, your natural reaction is to laugh at this absurdity. Women find this insensitive whereas we guys don’t. We just differ with them on certain mundane things which does not merit an iota of attention which they spend hours on. My mother’s driver was ill and being the ’sensitive’ son that I am; I was driving her to work when we saw a huge car wreck. My natural reaction was, ‘Oh no!, the Benz is wrecked!!’… and it started the ball rolling as in, “how insensitive you are ?” .. for heavens sake, even the guy who had the accident must have been more worried about the Merc than himself.. I know I would be… So you see its not that we are not sensitive, we just differ with you on what is sensitive and what is not… and if you still think you know a guy who is completely sensitive, well then, he is either gay or he is trying to sleep with you. The possibility of the latter is a much higher probability mind you.

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My heartfelt condolences and prayers for those affected by the Tsunami. It has had a crippling effect on the Asia-Pacific region. But to be brutally honest, my first cogitations on the issue were far from grief and empathy. My foremost thoughts were apportioned between The Malthusian Theory of Population, Business and Fraud.

• Thomas Robert Malthus in his essay, The principles of population growth, states that
  

  - Food production increased at an arithmetic ratio while population increased at an exponential ratio.
  - Population growth would outstrip food supply, and mass starvation would follow.
  - Man is incapable of controlling his own numbers, so natural calamities such as floods and epidemics serve to control/reduce his numbers.

  The Tsunami that occurred; was it just one of the vagaries of mother nature or was it the justification of Thomas Malthus’s population theory. If one were to look deeper, you would realize that those places that were affected the most were areas where measures for population check were not in place. These were areas where the birth rates were much higher than the death rates, these were places were population growth outstripped food supply and hence I am rather sceptical that the tsunami was just one of the caprices of weather.

• I concede, its my materialistic self thats in the drivers seat as I post this but the fact of the matter is that the Tsunami equates to good business. Only a few industries in the Asia-Pacific region, including tourism, are expected to suffer short-term adverse effects, while others, such as construction, could actually enjoy long term benefits. So the economic effects of the tsunami in the long term scenario is positive.
• The tsunami, if one were to look it from the security perspective is very alarming. There are many tsunami scams on the net already but rather than scams I more concerned about the physical security breaches that might occur on account of terrorist identity thieves. The waves pretty much washed away all documents pertaining to identity a la passports et al, thousands of dead bodies have not been identifiable which makes for a hotbed for terrorist who would love to make use of this misfortune to steal another identity and blend into the surroundings waiting for an opportune moment to strike. The terrorists in the Indonesian belt of Aceh is the most worrysome in this regard.

Thousands of lives lost and a many more displaced, I can only empathise with those who lost everything and everyone. Boxing day 2004 will always be remembered for the wrong reasons.The images from the Tsunami are very gruesome and though I am able to have a pragmatic approach to the ;same as neither me nor anyone close to me is affected, I ponder how I would have coped had I been not so fortunate.

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Unconditional love, i.e. love sans frontiers, love without conditions or reservations; absolute love; is not a myth. I have experienced it first hand; from my Princess. Its only a fortunate few who can ever give testimony to experiencing the same.Only once in your lifetime will you ever get this unconditional love; I had my chance and now she is no more. Those who have never experienced unconditional love wait in anticipation for the same but what about those of us who has had it already. The statistical probability of hitting the jackpot twice in your lifetime is nil and the same analogy applies in this scenario as well. So what happens to those of us who were lucky to have it; let’s keep our fingers crossed and hope that we hit the jackpot twice in our lifetime.

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This is my blog and I don’t like anyone else hogging the limelight but I recently came across an article by Dave Barry in the Houston Chronicle about his love for dogs; myself being a dog lover and concurring with all his statements I couldn’t resist posting the article.

I’m trying to convince my wife that we need a dog. If we’re visiting someone’s home, and I suddenly experience a sensation of humid warmth, and I look down and see that my right arm has disappeared up to the elbow inside the mouth of a dog the size of a medium horse, I am not alarmed. I know that this is simply how a large, friendly dog says: “Greetings! You have a pleasing salty taste!”

I respond by telling the dog that he is a GOOD BOY and pounding him with hearty blows, blows that would flatten a cat like a hairy pancake, but which only make the dog like me more. He likes me so much that he goes and gets his Special Toy. This is something that used to be a recognizable object - a stuffed animal, a basketball, a Federal Express driver - but has long since been converted, through countless hours of hard work on the dog’s part, into a random wad of filth held together by 73 gallons of congealed dog spit.

“GIVE ME THAT!” I shout, grabbing an end of the Special Toy. This pleases the dog: It confirms his belief that his Special Toy is the most desirable item in the universe, more desirable even than the corpse of a squirrel. For several seconds we fight for this prize, the dog whipping his head side to side like a crazed windshield wiper. Finally I yank the Special Toy free and hold it triumphantly aloft. The dog watches it with laser-beam concentration, his entire body vibrating with excitement, waiting for me to throw it … waiting … waiting … until finally I cock my arm, and, with a quick motion I … fake a throw. I’m still holding the Special Toy. But WHOOOSH the dog has launched himself across the room, an unguided pursuit missile, reaching a velocity of 75 miles per hour before WHAM he slams headfirst into the wall at the far end of the room. This stimulates the M-size clump of nerve cells that serves as a dog’s brain to form a thought: The Special Toy is not here! WHERE IS THE SPECIAL TOY??

The dog whirls, sees the toy in my hand and races back across the room. Just as he reaches me, I cock my arm and … fake another throw. WHOOOSH! WHAM! I can keep faking throws until the dog has punched a dog-shaped hole completely through the far wall, and the dog will STILL sprint back to me, sincerely believing that THIS time, I’m going to throw the toy. This is one reason that I love dogs.

My wife, who would not touch the Special Toy with a barge pole, is less impressed. Oh, I’ve tried to explain the advantages of having a dog. For example: A dog is always ready. It doesn’t matter for what: Dogs are just “ready.” If you leave your car window open, the dog will leap into the car and sit there for hours. It will sit there for days, if you let it. Because the dog knows that sometimes the car just “starts moving,” and you have to be ready! Usually the dog will sit in the driver’s seat, in case (You never know!) the dog is called upon to steer.

There are many more practical benefits provided by dogs, and I have tried pointing them out to my wife, but she doesn’t see it. This is why, in our house, we have fish. They’re nice fish, but they’re not a whole lot of fun. Although they are excellent drivers.

- Dave Barry, The Houston Chronicle

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“So learn this as a first lesson about life. The only successful beings in any field, including living itself, are those who have a professional viewpoint and make themselves and ARE professionals”
— L. Ron Hubbard

It saddens me to say this but there is a dearth of professionalism in Qatar. Anything I do, I do it as a professional to professional standards; but alas professionalism is an antiquated theory in this part of the world. I remember an instance when I was new to Qatar and had gone to buy a car, the showroom had a fleet of cars, there were numerous salesmen on the floor but I had to keep calling them to answer a few queries that I had, such were the responses that I was flabbergasted and left hastily. Were I in India, the moment I stepped into the showroom, a salesman would have marked me out and would be with me toe to toe and would make a worthwhile attempt at selling the car. There is a lot of money at play in Qatar yet the levels of professionalism exhibited are substandard. The disintegration of the levels of professionalism has been augmented by two expatriate nationalities in particular (whom I will not name for the sake of diplomacy)….But the bottom line is that with Qatar hosting international events like the Asian games and the Motor GP, there should be a sustained effort on the part of the government and the local companies to improve the levels of professionalism.

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