I have hitherto been covertly supporting John Kerry for the white house but now me gonna do a complete volte-face and go with Bush. Can’t put my finger to it but something tells me that although as dumb as a mule, he is the better of the two evils, something innate is prompting me in this regard… and hey one American that truly has won me respect viz Rudy Giuliani just endorsed George W. Bush.

Politics close to home is a little more chaotic with the C.M of kerala A.K.Anthony resigning. Liked him, was a good guy but then again most goody two shoes are seldom effective and this was the case with him as well. Oomen Chandy takes over the helm of politics in kerala and is sworn in as the C.M. Nice to see him in power, he lives a few mins from where I live and so me hoping for the best.

It was also an interesting read on Slobodan Milosevic, there are people who have committed more human rights violations than him and this poor fella is now being made the scapegoat.

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For a few days me having a small problem with a client which hitherto could not be solved by reasoning and in such situations what do I do, I pull out the big guns a.k.a the sponsor of my company. Picture a western movie, two cowboys are in a deserted yard, the duel is on and the one with the fastest draw will win, each has a revolver in the holster and all of a sudden one pulls out a kalashnikov and decimates the other. That’s the kind of situation that happened today, once I pull out my big guns and me boss calls all the top guys in the country, reasoning takes a back seat and whatever I want will be done and the manager of the other company had to relent today. Hey I know its unethical but then again whoever said that I believed in ethics.

Taking a small break now, need to wind up a little bit and so am on the net, have a bundle of resumes on table, have to recruit a dozen or so workers immediately and will be tied up with that for the remainder of the day.

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Tomorrow its all official, have a few important appointments, if all goes through well then we should have a new major client on board with us; this one just clicked and not just on account of my negotiating skills. But it scares me that without much negotiations I closed the deal; usually this is not how business is but hey I guess the Gods are smiling upon me again… and all I can say is keep smiling.. keep smiling.

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Today me am an emotional basketcase. Its me baby girl’s birthday; she turns 82, everybody remembers her birthday as she was born on Onam Day, the traditional festival of harvest. I treat her more like a daughter than my grandmother. I miss her a lot. She is most definitely the love of me life. The last few years that I spend with her were like paradise on earth. She gave me unconditional love, no questions asked and in all probability I will never get that ever again in my life.

She was always there for me in spirit, I love getting a warm hug from her. Whenever I felt lonely I would just run to her like a little kid and get a warm hug. I remember the first time I wrecked my jeep, I came back home, snuggled into her bed and dozed off. During exams I have this tendency to stay awake whole night, she would also stay awake and make sure that I slept alteast a little. We used to have so much fun together, I made it a point to make her as happy as possible. Used to buy her chocolates and ice creams; she just loved ice creams. Her whole life revolved around me, making sure I ate on time, slept on time. All my friends also love her very much, whenever one of me mates would come home they would bring ice cream or chocolates with them. I just miss getting a hug from her.

Like a don with a few henchmen, my baby also has a group of right hand women who are always with her and the only thing princess has asked me is that they should be well taken care of even after she is no more… this I have promised and will keep this promise till the day I breathe my last.

She is such a chatterbox, and she remembers everything from her childhood. Its fun talking to her and irritating her. My sister and dad are now in India and whenever they take me name she starts sobbing so they don’t mention me name much nowadays. I have decided that if I have a daughter I will name her after my princess - Sara , Sara Johnson; so be it.

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Coming back from work, I almost had an accident. As always I was at around 170 something and all of a sudden some moron pulled over in front of me wihthout using any indicators whatsoever, I braked and came to a screeching stop and narrowly avoided the car in front. Thank god for ABS eh?.. I think I will take it coolly for a while; will take the foot of the pedal when I start hearing the hazard alarm.

On another gloomy note, Liverpool lost out to AK Graz but hey we are still in the champions league by virtue of an excellent performance a few days earlier and the mighty Indian Hockey Team got royally thrashed by Pakistan 3-0 , ouch that hurt.

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This Olympics comparatively was rocked by more doping scandals than earlier ones. I don’t condone doping and at the same time I don’t condemn it . Winning is all that matters, second place goes to the first loser. People say winning is not everything and yes they are right, its not everything, its the ONLY thing. Everybody dopes, only the dumb ones get caught.

When so much is on the line, you have to use everything at your disposal to achieve success. Its not just in sports, time and time again I argue with myself over ethics in business and I always get one emphatic answer… No there should be no ethics in business. In business the motive is profit and everything else is secondary. If you place ethics at a higher level that the profit motive then your business is sure to fail.

Ethics in business looks good on paper, everybody preaches it and so do I but then again I am not one of those who practice what they preach haha. You have to succeed and at all costs. There is a thin line between ethics and fraud though and right now though I’m on the unethical side of the line I will never cross it to the other insidious part. Its not the means that matter, its the end result. As the bard of avon one said, “Alls well that ends well”.. so by any means necessary too succeed my friend.

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Thought I should start reviewing me personal belongings that has made an impact in me day to to day routine so as not to forget em in the coming years. This is me first review and let me start with me favourite email service fastmail.fm It has evolved into one of the finest email service providers out there… but it still caters to a very niche market of technocrats while the majority of the plebeians still use yahoo.com or even hotmail.com ..

When I was back in college and totally jobless I loved making style sheets for fastmail, well me style sheets are now officially recognized .. before the advent of gmail and the 1 GB club Fastmail was one place where storage space was in abundance, it still is in me opinion . The ability to have custom “from addresses” in the compose screen, IMAP/Pop3, SMTP, sub domain addressing, server side sieve scripting, online storage space, ability to host own MX records make it a one of a kind email service. As I always say, quality comes at a price and to get the best out of this service its good to have a paid account with all the options rather than a free “guest” account.

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Two things really got on me nerves today.. first and foremost its about the lack of class.. well who, where, why etc I leave in the annals of me memory, but the fact remains that class is something innate.. you are born with it.. having money will not necessarily mean that you are classy.. the most crass is witnessed in the nouveau riche and I have to agree whole heartedly in view of the events that unfolded today.

The second thing that really irritated me today is me passport. I applied for a new passport, today I finally got it.. and to me surprise nothing has changed since me old passport which was issued around 10 years back.. the same old format.. Jesus Christ on a Harley Davidson, even the Syrian passport is much better in terms of looks. The personal details are handwritten across the passport and to top it all the specimen signature from the application form is cut and pasted across the photo… ad nauseum mate… ad nauseum

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When I was in college, ‘bird watching’ was the term used when a bunch of jocks go out and start oogling at girls.. but me never indulged in it.. always told me friends that “I’m Jinu.J girls come to watch me mate… !!”… I rephrase me sentence.. never indulged in bird watching till I came to Qatar that is..

Nowadays I indulge in it a lot, enroute to me house from doha proper there is the Bentley Doha Show room.. when its really late and when there is parking space in front of the show room.. I always stop for a few minutes/hours just staring at the four wheeled beauties…. I was reading an article about the Bentley Arnage Mulliner Continental and my eyes became watery… sniff sniff.. what a sentimental ol fool me am… the only car that comes near to this beauty is the Brabus modified Maybach.

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Today a nick name of mine that I thought only the people in me company knew was used by a manager of the biggest construction company in Qatar. Over the year I have picked up the nickname 10M… short for ten minutes… anybody calls me up with any problem whatsoever and my immediate retort is “I will call my people and have it sorted out in ten minutes”.. this ten minutes of mine has been known to take from ten hours to ten days at times… but have to be fair to myself.. on an average when I say ten minutes I do get the problems sorted out in ten minutes…. anways this chap called me up and once again I assured him that within ten minutes it would be sorted out and he is like Mr 10m I know your ten minutes… now that me am caught will have to stop using that… just at office in front of the p.c now.. off for a meeting…. so double J out.

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I am an ardent supporter of the law of economics, I don’t care how many a consumer rights activist I may repel but I do sternly believe that as long as there is demand there is supply. Why do most of the govts. in the world spend so much money on countering drug trafficking, prostitution, prohibition etc. So much money is wasted, for what?? I don’t smoke, don’t drink and don’t have any of the above stated vices; so it wouldn’t make a difference to me if it were available in the next supermarket by the corner or at a pushers hideout. But you can argue that others may not have such good willpower and many succumb to peer pressure or temptation but hey thats not the sellers concern mate!!!! As long as there is demand for the drugs, women etc the supply will be constant. Don’t waste resources on curbing the supply, all efforts should be taken to curb the demand through meaningful education and propaganda. I say legalise prostitution/drugs/euthanasia.

On the same note, I would also like to initiate you #^$#@*@!&* consumer rights activists on something called “Caveat Emptor”… i.e. “Let the buyer be ware” it is the axiom or principle in commerce that the buyer alone is responsible for assessing the quality of a purchase before buying. So the ball is in the buyers court and not the sellers, a seller will and should do anything to sell his product, so let the buyer assess the quality of his purchase rather than buying something he/she doesn’t need and then cribbing to consumer rights about how he/she has been duped.

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Was again catching up on the world of financial affairs at Economictimes and was really surprised at two articles that I came across. The first one is about infidelity, the justification of the same and the second one is professional success from divorce. I can’t relate to neither the former nor the latter.

Infidelity is something I abhor and something I can’t justify no matter how much insecurity or emotional imbalances caused by physical distances etc. I have the same views w.r.t divorce; with divorce you are mentally distraught and will not be able to concentrate as much as the article says you will be and will not achieve that success.

Both are ways of escapism from reality and sooner or later it will just blow up. The sanctity of marriage is to be protected at all cost and both partners should be party to the same nolens volens. But what is more disturbing is the fact that the views so expressed in the online daily are of mainstream magnitude and not limited to a few. How has the cultural tide shifted so quickly in India. As the scorpions once sang - Winds of changes.

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My political allegiance lies with whichever party is in power. I’m not a loyalist of any political entity, but having said that I for one very much empathise with the Ranvir Sena … in any battle of gigantic proportions viz a viz a David and Goliath fight, the tendency for most is to support the underdog. This is one outfit that fights for Goliath!! Ranvir Sena represents capitalism at its best I tell ya.

Talking about politics, I hear that George Bush is performing well in the polls for re-election to the white house and I for one can’t comprehend why are the Americans so dumb as to vote for him again. From a surplus of 100 billion to a deficit of circa 400 billion from the day he took oath as the president of America!! Now that’s statistics for you. But to his credit he seems to have more personality than “Mr. Dull” John Kerry. From what I gather he is also a Republican in a democrat guise. So whichever way America votes they are doomed.

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Had a long chat with pops today, he is planning to buy some more rubber plantations, I’m not against the idea; earlier I would have jumped at the idea but this time around I had to think a bit as with this acquisition our investments in kerala will be a lot and hence at some point or other I will have to return to take care of things back home.

But the more I think about it, I feel that its better to go back, as in me native land I have an identity of my own and am not another alien immigrant as is the case with me here in Qatar.

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Theres movies galore but nothing that seems to interest me.. been wanting to see a good movie for a month or so but nothing good seems to be coming out… I’d just love to watch some anti hero themed movies again…. been a long time.. hope something comes out.

The day was mundane, the drive home back wasn’t. Raped me car today, totallly raped i.e was averaging around 200 today for over half an hour, taking the corners at 120 plus, I might have worn a piston or two out. There was this Qatari on a mustang who was faster but hey even he is not crazy to take corners and the roundabouts at the speed I do. Mine is a brand new car, now that I’ve raped it..I feel I shouldn’t have. Will get it checked in a few days just to make sure theres no real damage.

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Faster, Higher, Stronger…BALLS!!! The Olympics are UPON us again. Am I the only one who thinks its a much ado about nothing…. I mean what’s the fun in seeing someone throw a few spears, or run around a track in gayish tightsuits ewww.

The only time I was ever interested in the Olympics were when the “Dream Team”, American Basketball Team played for the first time. It was a real sight the first time around. Jordan, Pippen, Ewing, Olajuwan, Barkley and co. in one team.

Even more pathetic is the fact that me country’s performance is dismal at the Olympics. We finally win one silver medal and its splashed all over the newspapers, the net and what not. For a country of almost a billion people its just horrendous to know that our tally of gold is virtually nil.

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Conrad Nicholson Hilton must be turning in his grave now. One of the most successful businessmen of the 20th century disgraced by his own blood a la Paris Hilton his grand daughter. The only thing Paris Hilton has to be proud of is her lineage. (err cleavage too but lets not get into that)…. she is basically a slut with everyday one or the other sex scandals about her coming to light. You would expect someone with her lineage to be of a person with class rather than a slut. Journalists are having a blast with headlines like “a night in Paris” etc etc. Creative juices are flowing I tell ya. The last time I remembered such a neat heading was when the British paper “The Sun” that came with the headline on the crash of princess Diana (another slut in me opinion).. it carried the headline “Dodi Al Fayed- lived like a king and died with a princess”.. back to topic.. I’m really dismayed at the utter lack of class and smut in the world now!!!

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I now have this tendency to play hard ball… bid very low for contracts, once we get it, put the client in such a situation that they cannot proceed without us and then eventually cry foul of escalating costs and then increasing our own prices. Its worked again today with another major construction company, increased the previously agreed rates by over 20%, yeah baby I’m good..nah hell I’m the best.

Note to self: If in a few years, if you are still reading this then you are a success as you have not been killed by someone for sheer arrogance or for lack of ethics.

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Ferrari has sealed the F1 constructors title and schumy as ever is at his best. I can just smell the Scarlet Fever in the air and its really refreshing. Hope the next time I read this in a few years down the line, the prancing horse will still be running the show.

I expect tomorrow to be a very mundane day, the last few days have been the same. Don’t know when it starts and finishes. I think I have the remedy… Might jump off to Bahrain for a day or two to just wind up.

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Ouch I forgot to pay me phone bills again, this time around its me cellular bills rather than the landline one. I actually didnt forget to pay, I think I kinda crossed me credit limit. My credit limit is pegged at around Qatari Riyals 2000 and everytime I cross the limit me phone gets cut. only half of the month is over and me already crossed 2000 bucks. I have two GSM numbers just in case the primary one is disconnected so no harm done, I think me will use the secondary number for a few days before paying the first bill. 2000 bucks already and with half of the month still left, Jesus Christ I think this month I will average around 5000 Qatari Riyals or circa $1400… I guess I am high maintenance for me company… but then again quality comes at a price baby!!

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Micheal Owen, after years of Liverpool patronage you finally leave us. The most saddening thing is that you even took a pay cut to join Real. Trust me Mikey “you WILL walk alone”… as time goes by you will be as washed up as mcmanamon.. the same fate awaits you. Liverpool F.C me am with ya.. now lets sign Alonso, Aimar and Collocini and lets go for glory. Hell yeah. LFC - You will never walk alone.

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I’ve been wanting to keep a diary since I was small.. but paper is not for.. am more comfy with a p.c. and hence me blog started. But one thing that discerns me is that whatever it be it eventually ends up on me homepage and I’m debating whether something as personal as this, my thoughts be published for the whole world to read. But then again there ain’t much personal stuff on in these blogs, am very wary of adding it to the blogs; so I guess it wouldn’t be harmful to publish me blogs to me website as well.

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I was just catching up on some bollywood news and was surprised at the Amisha Patel saga wherein she sues her father for swindling her money. My question is hey its your dad after all, so why take him to court. He raised you bought you up to the point where you are able to make so much money. So let it be… If anyone else had swindled you then shoot to kill baby… But pops?? naaah!!!…. Don’t sue him, just don’t talk to him anymore and you should take care of your own finances… Its not like its the end of the world.

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The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Essential Feature

The essential feature of the narcissistic personality disorder is a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy (DSM-IV?, 1994, p. 658). Gunderson, et.al, (Livesly, ed., 1995, p. 208) notes that the grandiosity may not be overt or may involve arrogant and haughty behavior.

Sometimes I do get the feeling that I suffer from NPD. But then again a true narcissist will not feel that he suffers from anything. But I do have to accept that I have what psychologists call “Healthy Narcissism”.

Pathological Narcissism is a disease whereas healthy narcissism is a gift. Narcissists are obsessed by delusions of fantastic grandeur and superiority. As a result they are very competitive. They are strongly compelled - where others are merely motivated. They are driven, relentless, tireless, and ruthless. They often make it to the top. But even when they do not - they strive and fight and learn and climb and create and think and devise and design and conspire. Faced with a challenge - they are likely to do better than non-narcissists.

Pathological narcissism involves an impaired, dysfunctional, immature (true) self coupled with a compensatory fiction (the False Self). The sick narcissists sense of self-worth and self-esteem derive entirely from audience feedback. The narcissist has no self-esteem or self-worth of his own (no such ego functions). In the absence of observers, the narcissist shrivels to non-existence and feels dead. Hence the narcissists preying habits in his constant pursuit of narcissistic supply. Pathological narcissism is an addictive behaviour.

Almost everyone has some narcissistic traits, but being conceited, argumentative, or selfish sometimes (or even all the time) doesn’t amount to a personality disorder. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a long-term pattern of abnormal thinking, feeling, and behavior in many different situations.

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I don’t smoke or booze and hence I don’t have expenses related to the same. My company foots my internet, mobile and fuel bills which leaves me with just food expenses. But call me a snob, call me a narcissist; I only dine at good restaurants…. hell will freeze over before I go to some low class blue collar joint. Now that me on a strict diet, me don’t have lunch at all and dinner I come home and have. The bottom line is that now I don’t have any expenses and for one of the few times I have more money than I can spend… muahhahahaha (evil laugh)….

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Me went jogging for around 2 hours today at the corniche here, me now in full swing to get back in shape. When I started working out a few years back I was only interested in getting a bulky physique, which was easy.. toning it and maintaining it seems to be much much harder… the problem with weight training is that once you stop all the bulk that you put on just loosens up as is the case with me now. Even now I still have that broad shoulders, well built chest but without regular excercise for the past 3 years plus me waistline is on an expansion spree which I will put a stop too. One of the advantages of working out since childhood is that my muscles are already accustomed to weight training and hence I don’t feel that sore and pain that newcomers to the sport feel. This is day four… approx six months more to see if I am successfull or not.

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Am 25 right now and at the prime of me life, one of the eligible bachelors in town. Have been single till now mainly on account of the fact of me fear of commitments. Its not fear of commitments rather its the fear of falling out of it. I am a very loyal person and I don’t commit easily as I fear that if it doesn’t work out I will not be able to put the pieces back together.

But the time is near when I will have to finally commit.. maybe not now..maybe in a year, a year and a half who knows. But will I find the right girl. The kinda girl I want is the “girl next door” who also happens to be classy and sophisticated and also sweet and homely. I have a feeling that this is impossible. If a girl is sweet and homely they usually tend to be dumb; if classy and sophisticated they will be more arrogant than me and thats not acceptable. The kind of girl I want is next to impossible to find.. so as I always say if I can’t find the kind of girl I want why not the type of car I want…hahhha.. .so me will most probably have to find a good looking girl with a Mercedes… preferably the S Class…

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I don’t know if its whether I have not matured or if the show has matured since I was a kid but the bottomline is that I still love it and find it very funny. Its very sarcastic and bloody whacky. Gross at times have to admit but most of the time bordering on insanity with a humane touch to it… Me 25 and still love it.. and hey balls to anyone who thinks that a grownup can’t like cartoons.Matt Groening has done an excellent job with the characters… Another cartoon that I still watch sometimes and appreciate is Johnny Bravo.. he is one real cute guy have to admit… does have that small touch of my Narcissistic quality.

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I get a lot of stick for this but one of me strongest beliefs is that reservations of all kinds should be done away with. In me homeland the reservation system is just horrible. There is reservation for lower castes, women, this that who knows maybe even the owner of a one eyed dog for all I know.

If after 50 years of independence, reservations for over a 50 years the lower castes are still backward then I feel the reservation system is pointless. Jobs etc should go to the most efficient candidate not based on ones caste or creed or gender for that matter. Talking about reservations for women is another dicey topic.. aren’t women equal to men?… then why the reservations? Its high time we did away with reservations of all kinds.

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August the 3rd, 2004 and me back on a strict workout regimen. Its been almost 3 years since I’ve seen the inside of a gym and it most definitely has taken a toll on me physique. I have given myself 6 months to get better toned than before and hopefully I will achieve it…. also of importance is the fact that this time around I will be using a few supplements to achieve success faster. I just hope I get the time to do what I want as my work is very hectic and I really don’t have time even for sleeping.. but this time around me am adamant and will find the time somehow.

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I have been a long time Opera fan, no no not Oprah… only females and gays watch that show. I meant the web browser opera.. www.opera.com …. in its latest incarnation its better than ever and I have no qualms about introducing it to any of my mates… Internet Explorer is full of security holes and should be avoided like the plague…. Opera is the browser for all technocrats.

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